Kipper inherited his ‘artiness’ from his Mam and Dad. His Mam slapped some watercolours around when she wasn’t on the checkout at Moggison’s and his Dad had taken up poetry, playing guitar and sculpting after he was made redundant from the Barnacle Colliery. A very bohemian household indeed. Even their dog was named ‘Banksy’ because of the ‘artistic’ patterns he made on walls when cocking his leg up.
Mr. Kipper’s pal was the Gallery and B&B owner Dirkiculus Threadwell. His gallery was called ‘Whippet Art’ and the B&B ‘Whippet Inn’. He dressed really weird, dying his hair pink and wearing really bright colours and on occasion women’s clothes. We’d all grown up seeing Dirkiculus around Barnacle and as daft as it seems when we saw him it always uplifted us.
“Ay up Lads.”
“Ay up Dirk.” we all replied with big beaming smiles. All except Oskar Dafski (Fishcake’s new neighbour from Blubbersfield), he just stood there open mouthed.
“Who’s that’s?” said Oskar
“Oh that’s just Dirk. He’s a bit eccentric.” Colin informed him
We all saw Dirk as part of the fabric of Barnacle (although we weren’t sure if Fishcake knew that he was a man dressed in women’s clothes or a balding woman with a flat chest in men’s clothes).
“Is he a cross dresser?” asked Oskar.
“Dunt be stupid.” said Fishcake” He’s not cross at anything, he just likes to wear saft clothes.”
“No, I mean is he a transvestite?”
“I don’t think he’s a vampire. He’s definitely not from Transylvania, he’s from Upper Thong Road.” said Fishcake
“I mean does he like to wear women’s clothes?”
“What’s wrong wiv that? Me Mam wears women’s clothes and she’s not a vampire” answered Fishcake.
Just then Dirk passed us again on his return from the sale at ‘Chelsea Girl’.
“Hello again lads.”
All our faces lit up again (including Oskar’s). We all answered back “ay up again Dirk” and continued on our way.
Proud to be Daft 