Going for Gold

Oh what fun!!! It was a weekend to remember. The Barnacle Olympic Games (the B.O.G.s) were finally here and we couldn’t wait.

The BOG committee had thought (in their wisdom) to have several teams from fictitious countries. Uncle Bob’s team was drawn from the Old Trout Pub and were wazzed most of the time, So their Country name was Wazakstan. They were favourites to win the gold medal in tripping up and staggering. Some of the other teams included, Bulge Garia (Barnacles Slimming Club), Republic of Pongo (Barnacle’s Drain Cleaners), Sprain (Barnacle Nurses) and The Nether Regions (Susan’s Lingerie Shop).

The BOG Committee decided the opening ceremony would have a Fishing Theme. All the Town were issued with wellies to show unity and support. Spectators were given wellies with ‘BOG Standard’ stencilled on the side. The Officials had ‘BOG Off on their wellies, with the athletes having ‘BOG Off Sport’ on theirs. The problem was that it was summer and the wellies made feet hot and smelly, so the smell of sweaty feet wafted up from the BOG Stadium and a slightly blue haze lingered over it. Everybody waited  in anticipation, their eyes trained on the Arena entrance and their noses held against the reek of sweaty feet.

The brass band struck up and all the performers came flooding out in their sparkly wellies. Fish Cake had volunteered to be a giant haddock and we couldn’t wait to see what mayhem would ensue. There was a large swimming pool in the centre, where women dressed as synchronised pilchards were doing their thing. Little ‘Star Fish’ from the infants school were skipping and weaving in and out on the outside. Then came the magnificent Swan Cake, a giant tiered cake made out of cardboard with a papier-mâché swan on top. Ballet dancers dressed as swans burst out and fluttered around the area. Their sparkly wellies hindering their grace. Fish cake entered the area as a giant plastic haddock,  followed by half a dozen dogs dressed as Crabs, all with small wellies on each of their feet.

The finale  was to be Fishcake (as a Haddock)  being placed  on a hook and raised by a giant crane to be swung aloft  around the Arena. However, the bloke who was in communication with the crane driver (via walky talky) was harassed by an overheated dog crab and shouted “ let go” into the radio.This resulted in the crane driver releasing Fishcake from about 35 ft above the swimming pool. He landed in the water with such impact the synchronised pilchards flew out, the star fish keeled over from the force of the wave of water, the swans slipped on their not so graceful behinds and the first 2 row of spectators were drenched.

Fishcake, unaware of the mayhem he had caused, swam around for ages thinking the noise on the other side of the pool was appreciation of his courageous act. Eventually a Bog official managed to get his attention. He was hailed as a hero of the B.O.G.s by the general public for instilling fun and laughter into what could have been a rather dreary ceremony. The organisers had a somewhat different description for Fishcake.